March 31st, 2022

Today I am feeling overwhelmed. The pressure on my chest tells my brain, “your stress is going to make you sick”. That millisecond long passing thought has become more recurring, and whether or not it lasts a full second or a millisecond, it is affecting my day to day. When someone has battled depression and panic disorder, and is in recovery, the challenges that come with life are so fearsome because of the old behaviors and habits that used to come with them, such as isolating, not handling responsibilities, making excuses for myself/yourself… and so on. What do you say to someone, in this case me (and what do I say to myself?) who is 13 and a half months sober (after 16 *and a half* years of…not being), and has had to go through….

Tomorrow I begin my testimony, I hope to gain an open perspective, more so, perhaps, than I now have. Lethargy is what I crave. I know from studying psychology that majority of people have a harder time taking their own advice then giving it. And when you struggle with being your own worst enemy, and your biggest life cheerleader, missiles thrown into your life of challenges, can be debilitating.

I hope someone out there will be touched, learn something they shouldn’t do, and if anyone can be a less judgemental person, that would be enough for the world and hopefully help me.

I don’t know if there are settings on here but after I begin the blog series I will be going into topics and events that some may find disturbing, uncomfortable, and not content that any child should read.